Heartbreak

It's a familiar feeling for most in this world, but to varying degrees.

But recently, an internet aquaintence in the blogger world experienced the most devastating loss a woman could possibly feel -- the sudden and unexplained loss of her infant daughter. A thought that no one would even want to think about, imagine, even believe it could happen to them or someone they know. She was taken too soon and seemingly, without purpose.

This tragic incident got me thinking. How many times do we as human beings complain? We complain about traffic, the guy that cut us off on the freeway. We complain about homework and tests and the frustration of deadlines. We complain about work and co-workers. We complain about siblings, spouses, children, parents, friends and people we hardly even know. We complain about other random people and we even complain about their complaints. Why do we take these things for granted?

Why even complain when you know deep within your soul that you really have nothing to complain about? When you consider that your complaints are absolutely trivial and in the grand scheme of things, you're complaining really just to satisfy a momentary set-back in life or to justify some inner annoyance at the time. At least you are on this Earth to complain in the first place.

Consider the next time you feel the urge to complain. Is it worth it? Are your children in good health and resting peacefully while you complain? Are you and your family and friends in good health? Do you really have reason to be complaining about whatever it is you are complaining about? Is your heart broken in any way?

I've started to realize that there are bigger things in this life to be thankful for. There are events which we can and cannot control. Lives can change in an instant. People enter and exit lives for reasons. Some reasons are a part of God's plan for something bigger. And other reasons go unexplained. And just when I start to think the world is crashing down around me, I have to stop, take a time-out and realize that I know in my heart that I really have everything to be thankful for. Not everyone has that luxury.

Valentine's Schmalentines

Well, just got a call back from the HR gal and guess what? Breaks don't exist apparently. That's right, the job went to someone else. That someone else happened to be the wife of a dude that works there already. I was in shock that the HR gal actually told me that but not so shocked because that's the "Real World" for ya. The "good ole' boy" system - where you get a job based on who you know and has nothing to do with your qualifications (or lack thereof). Sadly, I know the process all too well. I was that wife who got a job based on this exact scenario. And, I know at the time I wasn't the most qualified candidate and that I possibly ripped it from the hands of someone more qualified and more deserving. It just plain sucks. I know I rocked those two interviews to pieces. NO ONE is/was more qualified than I am so that just goes to show it's all about who you know. This wouldn't have been such a blow to the girly parts if this job didn't pay so well or have awesome benefits. I feel like the pot of gold was snatched from my hands after waiting patiently for over a week to claim my prize. FML :/

To top it all off, I greeted the door this afternoon after the bell rang and there was a box on the doorstep from 1-800-Flowers, so excitedly I picked it up and as I read the name and address on the box, realized it was for my neighbor.

Yeah, Happy Valentines Day to me.

Breaks

Wow oh wow has time passed. Here I thought I was keeping up and maintaining and what do you know, it's been nearly a month since my first post!

Think I can safely sum up the last few months with one word; Hectic. But, what else is new? That's been my life for the past 32 years and well, I'm still wondering where my "break" is. Does such a thing even exist? Despite all of my life accomplishments, I still continue to feel as though I'm in a perpetual state of sitting idly by at the start line. I guess that's what you get when you feel like you've worked so hard at "starting over" that you take a look back and realized you have yet to pass the starting line. Make sense? Probably not, ha! For now, I'll chalk it up to the quicksand effect that has taken a hold over my life lately. It seems, no matter how hard I try to get out of it, it just sucks me in and drains me physically, mentally and emotionally.

I guess it's all relative to what you perceive as moving forward. I mean, I'm knee deep in class right now with a midterm this weekend (already!) and the job outlook is slowwwly looking a little more promising. I interviewed yesterday with a local hospital here. The job itself is fabulous and the pay leaves me absolutely salivating beyond all realistic belief. Progress? Yes, especially since they called me back today for a second interview on Friday! Imagine that, someone is interested in what I have to offer. What a novel idea and such a drastically different feeling than I have experienced in recent months. I'll be patient like always and of course update on the outcome as soon as I know...

Maybe a break is in store for me. Of course, I never hold my breath for such a thing since I've never, ever had any such luck on my side but I take each day for what it's worth and count my blessings that seem so far and in between. I guess my one true saving grace is that I've always found the little things in life to make me happy. I'll continue to live by that grace, as sometimes that's all I have.

Thanks for reading, dear friends.