Monday, January 3, 2011

Testing...Does This Thing Work?

Alright, alright, so I had this Epiphany tonight on this 2nd day of January, 2011 (I know, epiphany...crazy talk, right?). I mean, as a 32-year-old "career student" with an undergrad degree in Communication (emphasis in journalism) who should just take up part-time term paper writing for a minimal fee, I thought maybe I could put those writing talents to work and officially start a blog. You see, I have been a blog follower (though self-admittedly not very religiously) of several friend's blogs but never fully developed my own until now...

I figure, this is a great avenue to let out my emotions and express my feelings in hopes that I can embarrass myself repeatedly in front of my blog follower friends and family (ok, well, kidding on the embarrass part but you get where I'm going). Well, the fact of the matter is, the year of 2010 was apparently just plain and simply, not my year. I mean, it started off with a bang. Work was fantastic, my husband's career was really on the move. We traded our brand new rental house in the suburbs "digs" for a super fancy and ultra "plush" condo on the beach. He graduated from college with a Bachelor's while I continued working feverishly on my Master's. Our efforts to "finally" begin to expand our family were fully underway and then BAM, like a bat out of hell, the first whammy came.

To make an extremely long story short, after about a year of trying to get "knocked up" with no success, I decided to go to the next level and made an appointment to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist (for when those dang OB/GYN's just ain't cuttin' the mustard). At my initial consult in June, a review of my family history and after numerous blood tests and getting poked and prodded around, the RE confirmed what I already suspected and I was diagnosed with a relatively common disorder which (among other things) effects women's fertility and consequently, my own. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) is the name of it. It is characterized by insulin resistance and is the precursor to diabetes and obesity. And yes, like the name suggests, I also have multiple little cysts that have set up shop on my ovaries on a somewhat permanent basis. I can thank my lovely genetics for that precious gift which is partly responsible for this disorder. The other part is just plain ole' nasty luck. No, there is no cure for PCOS but yes, there are multiple treatment options that don't involve plowing into my girly parts or anything of the sort. Nah, but seriously, it's under control with the help of modern medicine and other than a few pesky symptoms now and then, it really is manageable with diet, exercise and a few OTC herbal supplements of choice. Overall, I am in FANTASTIC health so no real worries there...for now.

So, now that I've shocked your system (for those who didn't know), let's move onto the #2 whammy (which was assisted by whammy #1); my split from my husband of 4 years. Before I move onto the male-bashing portion of this post (ha, kidding!), I would like to express my sincere regard for any other couples out there who have struggled with the idea of having children or not. It is such a difficult struggle to go through, particularly when one partner is into the idea and the other isn't fully committed to it, or in my case; he "changed his mind". I will not go into detail about that struggle between us (perhaps, another day if/when I care to re-live those emotions again) but for now, I respect him for his choice and I can only thank him for giving me the freedom to move on and more importantly, the ability to *hold on* to something very precious to me - the possibility of being a mom someday. Whether or not that actually happens is really in God's hands at this point. But, it's fun to think of the possibilities nonetheless and maybe you can follow my crazy journey, wherever it may lead.

My goal here is not to focus on one specific area in my life or one particular direction, but rather, it is intended to provide a little glimpse into who I am, and what my life consists of at any of my random moments in time. And, let's just be blunt, I've kept my private life a little "too" private over the years and well maybe I owe it to someone, somewhere to be a bit more open with the things I share. I titled this blog the way I did because quite honestly, my life right now is yet another blank canvas. I've done and seen and lived a lot in the past 32 years and none of which of my life experiences I would trade for the world. I'm proud to say that I'm ready to move forward and see where this crazy, random world takes me. And maybe, just maybe I can be an inspiration or provide some guidance to someone else out there following my blog.

Please bear with me as I get this ball rolling. With work opportunities pending right now (like the dark cloud looming over my unemployed head) and school starting up on Jan 18th, I'm not quite sure just how much "spare time" I will have to update my blog. But, I do know that if you've made it this far, KUDOS to you and you can now put the kleenex away (ha ha ha). Cheers to post #1 and here's to many more!