Symbolism

I never quite explained the photo of that pretty little drink, did I?  Well, I chose that photo for my blog header because it’s quite symbolic of a few things.  First off, that’s a delectable Florida Hurricane made with Rum, 151, Coconut, Key Limes, Grenadine, Pineapple and a splash of a few other addictive goodies.  It was the mixed drink that took my Key West, Florida virginity. ha!  That was also the trip that Bobby was supposed to go on alone for business.  Instead, he sneakily called my work 2 days beforehand to get the approval for me to be “out” for a couple days because he had already booked me a ticket to accompany him!  It was also the mini-vacay that just so happened to be right before our 4^th wedding anniversary last year.  I loved every second of his spontaneity sometimes.

Anyway, we sat down to eat burgers after a day of cruising around famous Duval Street, seeing all the sights, people-watching, goofing off and whatnot.  We conversed about nothing in particular, yet everything at once – a typical conversation for us.   We kinda threw around the idea of wanting to move to the Keys someday.  We had lived in Northern Florida before, but never that far South.  Yes, it is hurricane alley down there, but that’s just how we rolled – sporadic, spontaneous, fruity, rebellious – a little like my mixed drink, you might say. 

Well, that conversation also led to other topics, such as the topic of children.  Not the first time it had come up, but definitely one of the most telling in terms of reactions.  The topic itself always seemed to “frighten” him in some way, and each time it came up, he seemed increasingly withdrawn.  I could sense it.  That’s when I confided that I thought there might be something wrong with me, you know, in the “girly” region that might indicate foreshadow our troubles ahead… 

I took a photo of my drink that afternoon and now, I’m glad I did.  As silly as it sounds, it’s probably the most inadvertent, yet most symbolic photograph that I’ve ever taken.  It was mixed with emotion and fear, bitterness, denial, doubt, skepticism, greed, betrayal and love – all of the things that now symbolize the past year of my life.

Our one year anniversary of that trip passed recently and this picture speaks a thousand words to me, every time I look at it.  I’m glad I have the opportunity to share it here and what it means to me. 

Here's another photo of a Key West sunset that I snapped during that trip to leave you with.  Maybe someday I'll have the chance to go back...

Pills

Seems I swallow a lot of them lately. Both, in the literal and figurative sense.

For the most part they do me good but some are tougher to swallow than others. Like for example, the pill I've been avoiding which is to change my married name back to my maiden name. I wanted this from day one, when I filed the divorce paperwork. Just made sense to restore my birth name, as if it's wiping away a memory. It's just the angry cloud that looms over my head. Heck, I still have bills and credit cards gimmicks that come to me in my maiden name and I haven't used that last name in nearly 5 years.

Maybe it's a sign. A sign that I should just swallow the damn pill already and just let it all go. I'm finding a lot of things these days are tough to do. Every time I turn around, there's a new pill to swallow and something else to "let go" of. I do sit back at times and wonder. Wonder what the future has in store for me and when, just when does swallowing pills get any easier? Unfortunately, I don't have that answer and probably won't for some time, but had I known my medicine cabinet would turn into the world of wonder, I think I may have been better off leaving it shut. Some pills you just can't avoid. And sadly, most dark clouds that taunt, don't just go away on their own.