Photo Shoot Faves

So, here's some of the photos from the shoot with Amy a couple of weeks ago.  I uploaded most of them to my Facebook but I'll put a few here that I didn't share there.  I don't want to sound self-absorbed or conceited or whatnot but, I'm so, so, so glad I had this done!  This past year has been an emotional train wreck for me and despite the stress-induced weight loss, I've had a lot of trouble finding ME again and I seem to have lacked the ability to feel good about myself which is VERY unlike me.  So, please understand I don't go around "posing" in front of cameras on the regular, but my expressions and emotions captured in these photographs are very true and real and genuine.  And that...I'll cherish forever.  Enjoy!

I can't emphasize enough just how much fun I had at this shoot.  Not only did I get some great photos but my photographer Amy, is truly one of the sweetest people I've ever met!  She made me feel so comfortable and warm and, well, like ME again!  So, a million thank-you's to her and her husband Mike for watching baby Jackson for 45 minutes while we went off galivanting into the "woods" to capture these photographs.  Memories made, indeed, and I hope to remain great friends with her!!

Until next time, bloggers...

 

House Hunting & Other New Adventures

Ok, so the title of this entry may be somewhat misleading but it's fun to dream, right?  Actually, I said earlier this year that one of my next goals is to buy a house or condo and that's still very much on my radar.  How soon it will happen, is probably a little farther off the radar than I would hope.  Ever watch Suze Orman?  She's that financial analyst/guru and does a great job on her TV show of picking people's financial situation apart and telling them "no" when they want to buy something that's just not 1) smart 2) feasible and/or 3) realistic.  *Sigh*.  Well, Suze would pick me apart for my desire to own a home without the lump sum to put down or the 8 month "emergency fund" you need in case something goes awry.  However, I digress.  How can you NOT dream when the housing market is at an all time low?  I mean, houses in the area I'm looking at easily went for $350k+ a few years ago.  And now...listings for those same houses at $200k or less!  Talk about crazy exciting!  We'll see what I conjure up over the next 6 months or so...

In other related news, my mom has enlightened me on a business opportunity that is worthy of further investigation.  Through a contact of hers at work, she learned a little about running, owning and operating a private Courier service.  Since her company (and so many other companies out there now) are downsizing, hiring less, cross-training employees to other positions, "leaning" out their resources and people etc., many businesses have turned to external Courier services as a means for transporting their documents, equipment, people and more.  It's a simple premise, really.  You drive said items from one location to another, from client to recipient's destination.  The start-up for this is nearly nothing.  Literally, all that is needed is a reliable vehicle, a cellular phone and access to a computer/printer.  Needless, to say, the room for profit and the next-to-nothing start-up cost is very appealing.  I've purchased some resources that give further instruction on how to start-up a Courier service and where to go from there.  With school still looming (for another couple of months, anyway) and work, I may put this on a short hold but after that, I really plan to go full steam with it.  It's exciting to me and well, doesn't everyone want to be their own boss?  I sure do!

That's about it for my latest news.  Of course, I'll come back and revisit these two main topics on the agenda in a few months and see where I'm at with each of them.  As one of the world's worst procrastinators, you, my readers must cattle prod me and see me through!  

As mentioned in my previous blog entry, I had a photo shoot with Southern California's greatest, most talented photographer and friend, Amy.  Meeting her, her husband Mike and sweet baby boy Jackson was the highlight of these past 6 months or so.  I'm so thrilled I got the chance to meet up with her and take some amazing photographs that I'll treasure forever.  I'll post a glimpse of those when I receive the CD so stay tuned! 

Bouncing Back

I've been looking back at past blog entries and realized that I sort of have the "peak" and "valley" affect when it comes to my blog entries.  One is happy, the next...not so much!  I assure you, I have a pretty great life overall so I don't mean to be such a Debbie Downer at times.  I'm just my own worst critic, I guess, so sometimes I tend to be a little hard on myself.  Onward and upward...

Anyway, I cannot believe how quickly this year has gone by!  I mean, it's nearly September already!!  September was a rough month for me last year and to say I went through a wave of emotions last September would be putting it mildly.  It's been nearly a year to the day since Bobby and I separated so I can't help but notice that.  It's also been 9 months since I moved back to my home state of California which I'm still so happy about.  After moving around the country for the past 8 years, I'm finally home again.  I've gotten the chance to visit family and friends which is really so nice.  I used to long for the days of being able to take a quick drive to see them and used to dread arranging plane tickets and coordinating time off work just to do that but now I don't have to sweat it.  I'm so thankful!

Work is going well.  I'm still classified as a Per Diem employee which is basically a fancy word for Part Time but as luck would have it, I've been able to pick up extra shifts so technically I've been working Full Time hours.  Even better is the possibility of going to Full Time here soon pending a coworker's resignation from her position to move to Santa Barbara with her boyfriend.  I'm already next in line for her spot since my boss has already asked me if I want it.  Do I want it?  Ha!  Does a bear sh*t in the woods?  Of course I want it!  I'm also loving the idea that their health insurance is through Blue Cross so it's awesome insurance but best of all, it's free for employees and dependants!  Yet another expense spared so that's a double bonus.

In other news, I have arranged for a photo shoot with an E-friend of mine, Amy, who is an excellent photographer!  She lives not too far from me and we have arranged for a photo shoot on September 4th.  I'm beyond thrilled to meet her in person and feel so priviledged to have her as my photographer.  I scored a dress today for the shoot which I think will work well.  It's been so long since I've had professional pictures done so this is loooong overdue!  It's time I do something for me, ya know?  Plus, I've been working semi hard at losing weight over the past year and a half and now I feel like showing it off a bit.  27 pounds and still losing.  Not to shabby, eh?  I feel GREAT!

Failing

This morning I took the oral comprehensive exam for my Master's Degree and to say it went worse than expected would be a dramatic understatement.  This is the exam I have worked nearly 3 years for; the exam that confirms my knowledge of the entire program; the last stepping stone to getting the degree.

Well, guess what?  I didn't pass it.  I am at a loss right now.  I really thought I had studied myself into the ground for this exam and truly felt I had refreshed my memory with concepts I learned years ago, in various classes along this road.  The truth is, they just didn't feel that I had through enough knowledge to grant me a passing score.  Did I directly fail?  No.  Not on paper, not in writing, but *I* feel like I failed it and I'm not the sort of person that allows failure to enter my life.  This does not sit well with me.

I can re-take the exam in October.  Until then, there's not much I can do about it except to continue studying and ensure this doesn't happen again in October.  As much as I'd like to blame someone or something else, it's entirely my fault for not being as prepared as I could have been and that plagues me to no end.  But, I guess what bothers me more is the idea that I thought today would mark another chapter closed in my life but now it is left open.  I'm indifferent about it.  I wanted so badly to be "done" and move forward but plans have changed entirely.

I will spend the next couple of months continuing to study.  What angers me is that I was missing files from the first two core (important) classes I took at the beginning of the program back in 2008.  Well, actually, they are not "missing", but located on an external hard drive 2,000 miles away from me and the "owner" of that hard drive purged the files from the hard drive months ago.  So, I was missing a large portion of study materials.  I cannot or will not blame him.  He didn't know I would ever need those files again.  I will re-purchase those textbooks from the courses (as much as it kills me to say that) and start from scratch using those books and new notes.

Let me end this by saying that I know I am not a failure.  This is just a minor setback.  I realize that not many people can say they have come this far in their education and the fact that I completed all of the coursework with next to a 4.0 GPA is an amazing feat in itself.  I am proud of myself for coming this far and well, if it takes me a little extra longer to make it to the finish line, I'm ok with that. 

Until then, I'm keeping the faith and remaining optimistic.  I've been through some really rough times in my life, particularly in the past year, and this is just one additional hurdle to get over.  If anything, it's building my character and strength...two things that challenge me every day.  If you read this, thank you.  Support means everything to me.

By the way, yesterday I turned 33 years old.  I can only hope that 33 will treat me better than 32 did.  It has to, right?  If it doesn't, well I'm at the end of my rope...

Updates On Me + 30 Pictures!

Hello, friends!

I'm so relieved to finally have a few moments to properly update my blog and do the "30 pictures" that I saw on my friend Melodie's blog a few months ago.


Anyway, as of last week, I'm officially finished with classes towards my Master's Degree!  I haven't received my final grade for the class yet but according to my calculations, I have an "A" which subsequently estimates my overall final GPA at roughly 3.90.  A 3.90!  I didn't graduate high school with a GPA even close to that and sadly, my undergraduate GPA was not quite a 3.0 (thanks to an "active" social life in my early 20's, lol) so I'm beyond pleased with how my efforts and hard studies have paid off this time.  Now, all I have left is the Oral Comprehensive Exam on August 11th (the day after my 33rd birthday, ugh) which will be conducted via webcam so I'm spared the cost of flying out to the campus in Arkansas to take it in person.  Assuming I pass that, I'll be officially a Graduate School Graduate!  haha.


Ok, so on to the fun part which is this picture thing I've been wanting to do.  I figure my blog could use some "spice" with pictures and well, it's just plain fun to do this kind of thing.  Plus, it gives you, my fellow blog follower, some sort of additional glimpse into my life, interests, what makes me "tick", etc.  So...enjoy! :)

Pic 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts:

1.  I despise cold weather
2.  I served 4 years in the US Air Force
3.  I have an A.A.S. in Electrical Systems, a B.A. in Communications and a M.S. in Operations Management
4.  I'm terrified of heights yet I've gone skydiving once!
5.  Ignorant people annoy the crap out of me
6.  I'd love to start an animal rescue sanctuary some day
7.  I'm much more of a giver than a receiver
8.  I WILL write a book and have it published someday
9.  I don't take anything for granted.  Ever.
10.  I believe true friends are hard to come by and when you find them, hold on to them for dear life!

Pic 02 - A Picture Of You and The Person You Have Been Close With For a While

Pic 03 - A Picture Of The Cast From Your Favorite Show

Pic 04 - A Picture of A Habit You Wish You Didn't Have



Pic 05 - A Picture of Your Favorite Memory

(Old school 6th and 7th grade memories!  I'm the one w/ the blue "fanny pack" in the top pic and the bottom one I'm wearing the hat looking disgusted at my mom taking first day of school pics, haha!)

Pic 06 - A Picture of A Person You'd Love To Trade Places With For a Day

(Jodi Picoult.  I'd love to be a famous writer for a day and I love her books)

Pic 07 - A Picture Of Your Most Treasured Item

(This is the award I received for Maintenance Professional of the Year in 2006.  My proudest moment in the Air Force.  The banquet was held at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas and that night lives on in my mind forever.  Oh, that's an old picture of me in the background ;)

Pic 08 - A Picture That Makes You Laugh

Pic 09 - A Picture of The Person Who Has Gotten You Through The Most

(My Mom <3 )

Pic 10 - A Picture With The Person Whom You Do The Most Messed Up Things With

(This group about covers the criteria for "messed up" things.  Co-workers.  Go figure, lol)

Pic 11 - A Picture of Something You Hate

(Government spending and the overall current economy.  Nauseating.)

Pic 12 - A Picture of Something You Love

(Havaianas flip flops.  If I could wear them all year long (and to work), I would!)



Pic 13 - A Picture of Your Favorite Band Or Artist

(I like the "older" alternative bands.  Today's music just isn't the same!)

Pic 14 - A Picture of Someone You Could Never Imagine Your Life Without



                                    

(My Mom <3)

Pic 15 - A Picture Of Something You Want To Do Before You Die

(write and publish a book!!)

Pic 16 - A Picture Of Someone Who Inspires You

 Pic 17 - A Picture of Your Biggest Insecurity

(Regardless of how much weight I lose, it's still there!  The dreaded cellulite :/ )

Pic 18 - A Picture of You When You Were Little

(this was about age 5-ish, I think?)

Pic 19 - A Picture of Somewhere You'd Love To Travel

 (Bali, Indonesia.  It's beautiful there and I'd love to experience the culture)

Pic 20 - A Picture of Something You Wish You Could Forget

(This test and others like it.  And the pain caused by infertility)



Pic 21 - A Picture of Something You Wish You Were Better At

(drawing and painting - I'd love to have the "eye" for this kind of stuff!)

Pic 22 - A Picture of Your Favorite Book

Pic 23 - A Picture of Something You Wish You Could Change

(To have my baby girl Tiki back in my life *sigh*)

Pic 24 - A Picture Of Your Day

(Sunny, clear, high of 104 degrees today!)

Pic 25 - A Picture Of Something That Means A Lot To You

(This photo represents numerous things in my life and the things that have led up to my life now.  I think I explained this photo better in a previous blog entry and why it is the photo for my blog background)

Pic 26 - A Picture of Yourself and A Family Member

(My brother, my neice and I)

Pic 27 - A Picture of Something You're Afraid Of

(Heights!  Even watching something on TV involving heights makes my hands clammy!)

Pic 28 - A Picture That Can Always Make You Smile

(my life for 4 great years!)

Pic 29 - A Picture of Your Favorite Thing To Do During Summer

(Sip a nice cold beer on the beach!  By the way, my hair was WAY short in this pic)

Pic 30 - A Picture of Someone You Miss

(My daddy who has been gone for over 25 years.  RIP daddy.  I miss you  <3)

Well, that's it friends!  Whew, that took forever to complete and I certainly admire my fellow bloggers who can keep their blogs updated much more often than myself.  Hope you enjoyed my pics and now I'm off to catch up on you!

 

I Found Happiness Again

The title says it all.  These days it seems that things are turning around for me and coming together so nicely, it almost feels surreal.  I've been living back in California now for nearly 7 months and the difference between present day and 7 months ago is so drastically different -- I feel amazing and humbled by everything I've been through and overcome. 

I have several things going for me right now.  I am nearly debt-free and by "debt-free" I mean ZERO credit card balance (which isn't overly outlandish anyway) and my SUV that will be fully paid off in July.  I am slotted tentatively for my oral comprehensive exam in late July and my current (and last) class required for my Master's degree is surprisingly easy and will be over with in mid-July.  When these obstacles are finally overcome and done, I can finally focus 100% on me which is something I haven't gotten to do in a very long time.  I would like to begin house hunting later this year, provided the market is still at bottom.  It sounds silly, but in my own little world, I feel like I'm almost to the top of Mt. Everest!  I should also add that I have lost 26 pounds over the past year which has been a huge accomplishment for me.  Having PCOS makes weight loss really hard but I'm now one pound shy of my initial goal.  I plan to add on another 10 pounds to my goal since I still carry some unwanted flab around the mid-section.  But, all and all, I'm so ecstatic to have reached my first weight-loss goal and I feel great!

Thankfully, I've had some amazing friends to lean on for support through this rough journey and my mom is absolutely my rock.  I truly hope that someday I will be just as great of a mom as she has been to me.  That's my goal, anyway.  Speaking of mom, I truly owe her the world for setting me up with such an amazing man.  He's so sweet and gentle and caring and I truly feel that he might just be the missing piece to my puzzle of life.  Talk about finding someone when I was least expecting it -- this one takes the cake for that phrase!  For now, I'm just taking everything for what it is, good or bad.  As luck would have it, it has been mostly good in my life as of lately which is a welcomed (and much deserved) surprise!  I just hope things continue to progress in a positive tone when it comes to my personal and professional affairs. 

I don't ask for too much out of life, I work hard for everything I have and NEVER take anyone or anything for granted.  Living by these mottos has allowed me to find happiness again...something that has been missing for a long, long time.

And just because I love her so much and owe her the world...here's my rock and I this past Mother's Day.  Love you, mom!

Assholes & Onion Soup

So, I promised myself when I started this blog that I would keep negativity to a minimum and forego all ex-bashing, but ... I lied.  This one's just too good NOT to share.

Even though Bobby and I are on speaking terms (though allbeit very infrequently), we communicate out of necessity most commonly via text message.  Ahh, yes, gotta love the digital age.  Anyway, a couple weeks ago he sent me a text concerning the topic of money.  For the record, I do not receive alimony or anything of the sort from him but I do, however, want my fair share of things.  I'm not stupid, just the same as I'm not greedy - it's just fairness.  So, since I walked out with literally the clothes on my back and a few keepsakes, "we" agreed it fair if I receive half of the value of all of the furniture, belongings, etc. we purchased during the course of our 4.5 year marriage.  Fair, right?  I drew it up in the settlement and he complied.

So, he sent a text to tell me my monthly check was in the mail a bit early and post-dated for June 1st.  Excellent.  Thanks.  Then, he proceeds to tell me how his finances are going, making it seem as though these monthly checks are really putting him out, financially.  Riiiight.  I know how much money he brings in so despite me reaching through the depths of my soul, I failed to find even an ounce of sympathy for him.  Not to mention, if you knew what these monthly checks amounted to, you would NOT consider it a justifiable figure for 4.5 years I gave to him.  For sake of conversation, I'll just chalk it up as gas money, basically.

At the end of the text "conversation", he proceeds to say something to the effect of "I miss your paycheck".  Excuse me?  Thanks buddy, I miss you too.  I didn't know that in addition to my onion soup that day, apparently I had also ordered up a side of asshole. 

If you found as much comedic relief as I did in this post, you are a saint!

Love,
Amanda  xoxoxo
P.S. I look better now than I ever did when I was with him and I also bring in a better paycheck.  Eat your heart out Bobby. *winks*